"Perfect Tits"

We've really been into the new netflix series "Orange is the new black." Its edgy, funny and something we look forward to doing together which isn't something we've been able to say for probably a year.

I find that often times TV and movies cause me a lot of anxiety.  I am always wondering if seeing this nude scene or that pretty girl will "make him" want to act out. 

Then there's the nagging self doubt and body-hating which is probably the worst (for me).  I am so insecure about this body and how it looks and compares with the competition. I am constantly attributing the addiction to "letting myself go" and not being sexy. So annoying. I have a minor in Womens Studies. I'm educated on this stuff. But when it gets personal, the education goes right out the window.

Usually, Husband doesnt validate any of the crazy but once in a while he says something that sends me spinning. I wonder "Is he messing with me?"  The most recent offense:

Husband: Yeah, you missed it in the first or second episode.
Me: Oh yeah, what?
Husband: They showed the trannys tits. It was awesome.
Me: (laughing) I bet
Husband: No really, it was awesome, they were perfect.
Me: Perfect? Really? Of course. Of course you think big surgically altered tits are perfect, that's great.

I rolled over, went to bed. Self doubting. Frustrated. Annoyed. And hurt.