Eat Your Heart Out

uh huh.

It's what I've been doing since June 20th, 2013.

The day I:

• Stumbled upon pornography on my husband's tablet while searching for an app on Play Store (with my 3 year old watching. awesome.)
• My husband admitted he had an addiction to pornography
•  I finally accepted the truth that I am married to a sex addict

Not the best day I've ever had. Not the worst. But a really crappy day nonetheless.

Surprisingly, it wasn't the first time I caught Husband.  I knew he looked at it before I married him and I thought he would stop.  I thought that when we married this would solidify our relationship in a way that would satisfy his (and my) every need. How: young. naive. foolish.

June 20th was probably the sixth time we've crossed this monster - but every time before was different. Denial. Complete and utter denial. I justified and made excuses. I pretended I was ok with it at first. I told myself that a real feminist wouldn't judge (more on that subject later).  I told myself that a real Christian would forgive and forget. I told myself that it wasn't really an issue.

Lies - all lies.

"And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind,
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around"

-Florence + Machine

I'm not sure I'm prepared to share how it all went down but I will.  Today - I'm just here to say that it happened. Also, that I am emotionally eating. A lot.