12 Step

I think it's time to write about S-Anon.  Because the group is anonymous and everything shared in the group must be kept anonymous, I really can't share anything about what happens from 7:30-9 PM on my Friday nights. However, I want to tell you about S-Anon, about my recovery and what I'm doing these days to take my life back (even if it doesn't feel like).

I had two goals going into camp in September.  The first goal was to figure out if my husband really had a problem (denial) and the second was to figure out what I was supposed to be doing about it.  Obviously, confirmation of the first was evident as soon as others began to tell their stories.  The second goal - I quickly discovered was not going to be very simple. Each story revealed to me how each person's journey is unique to them and their partner.  However, I did find some common themes that helped me get a pulse on my situation and what seemed logical moving forward.

1. Do what I need to do to feel safe immediately
2. Start a journal
3. Start taking care of myself
4. Talk to other WoPAs
5. Set boundaries
6. Start recovery process

Recovery process? This I learned for most partners of Sex Addicts begins in some type of 12 step program (or something like it) such as S-Anon.  I have heard of another program called Addo and another called Lifestar.  Lucky for me, there is quite a network of SA and S-Anon groups here in the Portland-Vancouver Metro area.  When I got back from camp I decided to go for it - but I was sooo nervous.

When I pulled into the church parking lot - there was one other car parked there and it was dark.  I pulled up in the spot behind the other car and just sat there. I thought about going home. I thought about just staying in the car. But I needed it and I knew it.

I sent a facebook message to my Scabs Sisters and put on my big girl panties. It was time.

I went to find the room but the building lights were out and all the doors locked. I walked back to my car and the other woman parked there rolled down her window and asked "Are you here for the uh...um.. 7:30 meeting?"

Me, being direct as usual, "Yeah, the S-anon meeting."

She laughed - probably more out of relief than humor - and started to tell me her story. It kind of scared of me. It was just a lot and I was scared anyways. But atleast I had a friend to walk in with.

The group coordinator pulled up shortly after I started talking to my new friend and we found our room. The location was...ironic...I guess. We meet in a children's sunday school room. Seriously. I know. It still freaks me out and I've been to three meetings.  Parts of the meeting were really confusing, I didn't realize that they really do introduce themselves and say thank you "name" over and over again. I'm still not used to it but it's catching on.

I cried when we read the S-Anon problem. I cried when I shared. I cried when others shared. And I just cried. It was so good. The meeting format was familiar - it had a liturgy I understood from my newer Anglican membership and I enjoyed the quiet time we spent writing. The group read Step 1 in my honor, since I was new - I needed it.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over sexaholism--that our lives had become unmanageable.

So, I have been to three meetings, I bought the book (2 day rush) and I'm working through Step 1. I think it will probably take me another week or two to finish but I can tell you it's changing me.  I can't sit here and tell you I feel better and happier and I'm on top of the world. But I will say that it's turning over soil and bringing emotions, thoughts, and feelings to the surface that needed out.  I have probably reread Step One atleast 10 times and I get something new out of it each time I read it.

I think this is saving my life.